On Fire
by momonigiri
Summary: They've got it all wrong: Loretta Hawke never felt brave, courageous, or graceful. It was due to the unending support of her friends, and the undying love and guidance shown to her by one man that she was able to rise from the ashes to realize her true potential. (Please R&R! Rated 'T' for language/ suggestive themes)
1. Fight or Flight

**On Fire**

"Love is friendship set on fire"- Laura Hendricks

* * *

**A/N: I just couldn't get this story out of my head, so I've decided to put it here. Still going into AU territory, but this one's not nearly as dark as "Moon Tranced". New Hawke, new interactions, new story...I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_Prologue: Hi, I'm Loretta Hawke, but you can just call me Hawke. I know a certain dwarf has been writing the story of the "Champion of Kirkwall" and all that, and I'm fine with that. Really, it's totally okay with me. People need a heroic person to swoop in full of grace, power, and charisma to save the day. Unfortunately, I am none of those things. I have never felt brave, have never felt powerful, and have never felt like I deserved all of this praise._

_Perhaps my story isn't as death-defying and brilliant as some would think._

_And yeah, here's a shocker: I didn't always do the smartest things. But at least it's my story to tell, and if it wasn't for the one man I loved, I wouldn't be alive to tell it to you today. So let me take you back to Ferelden, where my story begins..._

* * *

"Come on, stop being a wet rag for once!" a young man by the name of Carver yelled.

The woman he was addressing seemed to be deep in thought as she toyed with the end of her straight, strawberry-blonde hair. Squinting at the canvas in the middle of the room, she dipped a paintbrush into a yellow color and proceeded to swipe the brush across broadly, creating the image of an afternoon sky. She didn't bother looking back at her younger brother to know that his face was turning an unsightly shade of red as his temper began to get the best of him. She'd better say something before he exploded.

The woman grunted in response, not at all happy with the way her sky was turning out.

"Put those blighted paints down, and talk to me, Loretta!"

Carver lunged for his sister, and yanked the brush from her delicate hand. Yellow smeared across the canvas unevenly, with bits of color dripping down the untouched portion.

Loretta Hawke whirled around, her brown eyes dangerously leering in his direction. Carver felt much smaller than he had a second ago.

"Well, you can't just leave, Carver!"

"I wasn't asking for your permission, Loretta. I leave tomorrow, and will be back in a month."

"A month?!"

"Is that a problem?"

"Yes, that's a problem, you twit!"

"Too bad I don't give two stones about what you think."

The door to the small sunroom opened, and shy eyes peered in on the pair.

"Guys, please stop shouting. You'll wake up Mother."

"Sorry, Bethany," the siblings mumbled simultaneously.

Loretta stepped on her brother's foot, and he slugged her shoulder. Hearing Bethany sigh again, Loretta and Carver settled down. Bethany was always the peace-keeper in the family. No matter how horrid their fights were, a few soft words from their sister was usually enough to stop the screaming, at least. The younger Hawke girl tucked her black hair behind her ear.

"What's this about? Arguing over Carver's job to kill a few darkspawn again?"

"The sightings have become more numerous. I don't want him going alone."

Carver brought his hands to his face as he pretended to cry.

"Boo hoo, look at me! I'm just mad that my baby brother is better than me at everythinggg!"

Loretta pushed past Carver, and flung the door open.

"Ugh, you hard-headed son of a nug!"

She slammed the door behind her, but tripped over something as soon as she stepped outside.

She heard Carver call after her, "Says the person who'd rather die than let Mother buy her a dress!"

Cursing under her breath, Loretta rubbed her scratched palms together on her beige pants.

_I can't do anything right today! What in the Void could I have possibly tripped over now?_

The large, colorful bouquet lay scattered across the lawn, with half of the flowers being crushed by the woman's fall.

She picked up a card next to her. It read:

**Dear Bethany,**

**These flowers aren't half as beautiful as you are.**

**XoXo**

**Your Secret Admirer**

"Surprise, surprise, they're for Bethany," Loretta hissed as she got up, and stomped across the small field towards a wooden building, plucking arrant petals out of her clothes and hair.

Her mother's condescending words echoed in her mind like a broken record,_ Bethany's much prettier than you, Dear. Plus, she's useful. All you do is ride that horse of yours into the woods during all hours of the day. Why can't you be more like a lady?_

"Well I'm sorry, Mother," she yelled to no one in particular. "I'm not as pretty and useful as Bethany, nor am I as strong and powerful as Carver."

A winny greeted Loretta as she approached her family's barn. Her face softened into a small smile as she walked up to the horse stall, the sweet smell of hay and earth comforting her senses. Large, round, amber eyes watched her happily.

"At least I can talk to you, Sunburst," Loretta said quietly, burying her face in the horse's bright blonde mane.

Sunburst nickered his concern as he lipped her hair, causing the woman to giggle.

"What say you to a quick ride, eh?" Loretta said as she opened the stall door to lead the gelding out onto the green grass.

Looking up at the sky, there were a few unpleasant-looking clouds, but it didn't look like it was going to rain quite yet. She tacked up Sunburst effortlessly, her muscles and hands used to the actions after years of riding. But, just before setting off into the woods near their home, Loretta grabbed the ebony bow her father had gifted her, along with a full quiver of arrows.

"No sense in being defenseless," she recited to herself as she and Sunburst trotted off at a leisurely pace.

* * *

Riding a horse always forces you to clear your mind, or so Hawke thought. If she was ever anxious or nervous, Sunburst would spook or shy away from anything that moved. Riding calmed her soul and centered her mind. Loretta wouldn't change it for anything in Thedas. Loretta inhaled deeply, taking in the quiet nature surrounding them. The farther into the forest they got, the more serene their surroundings became.

Sunburst's ears flicked forward in attention: there was movement up ahead on the trail, and it didn't sound like a songbird or squirrel.

"Easy boy," Hawke cooed as she pulled the reins back slightly.

Loretta dismounted soundlessly, and readied an arrow to fire. Creeping forward and keeping her body as low to the ground as possible, the woman neared the area where she had heard the noise.

"H-hello? Is someone there?"

Loretta stopped at the sound of a strained voice calling out to her. Moving quickly from behind a tree, she brought her aim down when she saw a man laying on the ground. His eyes were closed, and when he coughed, Loretta could see drops of blood spraying over his fisted hand.

"Maker," she breathed as she gazed at the man gasping for air.

"We've got to get you to a healer, Serah."

The man attempted to wave his hand weakly.

"No, it's much too late..."

He moved his hand out of the way, revealing a gaping wound where the man's shoulder should have been. Loretta covered her mouth, and turned her face away from the oozing hole in the man's body.

"They've got Lothering surrounded on three sides," the man whispered hoarsely. "They're killing everything..."

Loretta's eyes widened.

"Killing? Who's killing?"

"The darkspawn. They're everywhere. You've got to get out of Ferelden while you can."

"Let me just get my horse, and I can carry yo- - -"

The man stopped breathing. Loretta checked his pulse before standing up in a daze. She shook herself so that her vision would focus once again before giving a high-pitched whistle.

Loretta took off running, and caught up with Sunburst, jumping on his back in a trick her father had taught her shortly before he died.

But before the pair got very far, Loretta's fears were confirmed: there, out of the corner of her eye, was a darkspawn. It's black and white face snarled as it leapt in front of them. Without hesitating, Loretta loosed an arrow that lodged itself in the back of the darkspawn's skull. Sunburst galloped past the fiend, but not before Loretta put it out of its abominable existence by shooting another arrow through its chest. Howls pierced the air around the horse and woman as they rode back as fast as they could.

"Carver, Bethany, Mother...hold on, I'm coming."


	2. Rain of Fire and Sorrow

_Hello again, Hawke here. So Sunburst and I were clawing our way through hordes of darkspawn in order to save the family. But Maker, there were so many, it was like some sort of freaky family reunion. And the smell! Yuck! Just think dead fish meets sweaty, month-old battle gear, and you got it. Luckily for you, you'll never have to smell the nasty blighters, and you should thank Andraste's butt cheeks for that. But alas, I digress. I wish I could say I was terribly brave and noble here, but I wasn't. Not even close._

* * *

Sunburst's hooves pounded like thunder on the damp earth. Shadows leaped up into the woods, and the sky turned blood-red. High pitched whistles pierced through the air, and Loretta glanced behind her to see its cause.

"Fire..."

Balls of molten ammunition catapulted in every direction as if the sky were raining down flames. She urged her mount to go even faster. Sunburst obeyed, and horse and rider tore through the blazing forest while steering clear of darkspawn in their path. The greens and browns of the forest meshed unnaturally with the oranges and reds of a growing blaze, and soon, grey smoke engulfed the area.

By the time Loretta and Sunburst reached their home, they were wheezing from the smoke that caked their lungs. Loretta fell off her horse, landing on the hard ground with a thud.

"Mother, Carver, Bethany!" she croaked as she tried to catch her breath.

Bethany was the first one to reach the door. Seeing her sister on the ground covered in what appeared to be ashes, she rushed to help Loretta to her feet.

"No, time..." Loretta panted, "darkspawn are headed this way! We have to move!"

When Loretta burst into a fit of coughing, Bethany shook her head emphatically.

"You need healing, Sister, before we go anywhere."

With ease, Bethany helped her sister inside their home, and Leandra and Carver rose to greet them in alarm.

When Loretta tried to talk, Bethany spoke for her, "Darkspawn are coming this way. We need to get out of here. Carver, Mother, grab your things while I heal Loretta."

Bethany grabbed her cloak and staff while Carver slapped on his equipment and sheathed his sword. Leandra, meanwhile, hurriedly threw a bag together containing food and other provisions. Bethany rubbed her hands together, and placed them on Loretta's shoulder. Instantly, a blue light covered her body, and Loretta felt her health returning. It would take some time, however, for Bethany to clear her sister's lungs from the smoke she had inhaled from the forest fire.

"Bethany, don't worry about her," Carver sneered as he laced up his leather boot, "she's fine."

Bethany turned towards her twin brother, and saw the lines of worry very visible on his young face.

"Just a few more minutes," Bethany said quietly.

As if on cue, hurls of fiery boulders crashed through the roof of the house, setting several rooms on fire at once. The sound of running feet reverberated through everyone's hearing.

"It can't be the darkspawn already?!" Loretta exclaimed.

In the hour it took to reach home, gather their things, and heal Loretta, the area around them had been set afire, and darkspawn had pushed past Ostagar.

"We leave now!" Carver roared as the darkspawn could be heard getting closer and closer.

Bursting out of the door, the mounds of darkspawn spilled towards them like an ocean's wave. Carver, Bethany, and Loretta stuck close to their mother to keep her from harm as the darkspawn pressed in on them. With a burning house at their back, the Hawkes had no choice but to fight their way through. But, it was no use: the more they slayed, the more darkspawn seemed to emerge from the very ground they stood on. In what felt like seconds, the family was surrounded on all sides by the foul-smelling, blighted things.

"Scorch em', Sis!" Carver ordered, slashing the face off of one of the nearest darkspawn.

"I can't! I used up all of my mana healing Loretta!" Bethany yelled emphatically.

"Ugh, to the Void with you, Loretta!" Carver replied, shoving his sister in anger.

The only thought running through Loretta's mind was that she and her family were going to die there, and there was nothing she could do to change the situation.

It was hopeless to even try.

A loud neigh brought Loretta back to the present moment as Sunburst tackled his way through the crowd of darkspawn encircling the family. Angry hisses echoed throughout the open space as the horse trampled the tainted beings without mercy. The golden horse reared up on its back legs as if sending a warning to the darkspawn.

They scattered slightly, but eyed Sunburst greedily. Their hunger for flesh was much stronger than their thirst for killing. The horde broke the circle completely, and began pursuing Sunburst instead. Loretta saw the stark whites of her gelding's eyes as he galloped away at full speed.

"Sunburst!"

"Leave him; we have to run!"

"I can't! I have to go after him!"

Loretta yanked her arm away, nearly dislocating it in the process. But Carver would not release her arm, and she watched Sunburst's form get smaller and smaller in the distance. Loretta's throat closed as she continued struggling. A large hand spun her around by the shoulders, and slapped her face. Rubbing her burning cheek, Loretta glared at Carver.

"Pull yourself together, dammit," Carver said in disgust, "leave with us now, or we'll leave you."

The four of them ran as fast as they could, leaving behind a house and a forest on fire, and another group of darkspawn nipping at their heels.

* * *

They were exhausted and surrounded, the masses of darkspawn closing in on Loretta and her family. Loretta's fingers screamed for a break, and her joints were beginning to cramp from constantly firing arrows into their assailants. Just when she realized one of the darkspawn was about to stab her in the stomach, the thing's head was sliced off. As it crumbled to the ground, drenching Loretta with blood, a strong, muscular woman with bright red hair stood before her.

"Maker, I'm glad you're here. We could use the reinforcements," the woman said in a deep, gravely voice.

Carver was fighting alongside an armored man with pale skin and dark, black hair. With the five of them fighting simultaneously, the group of darkspawn was quickly overpowered. Loretta braced her hands on her knees, and tried not to vomit at the sight of so many charred and dead bodies.

"Well, Maker has a sense of humor," Bethany scoffed as she eyed the man and his wife, "first darkspawn and now a Templar? Fabulous..."

Loretta's head snapped in the direction of the strangers. Sure enough, they were dressed in Templar armor, the sword crest on their breastplate gleamed in the afternoon sun.

_Why had I not noticed it before. This can't be good..._

The man stepped forward, holding onto an injured shoulder.

"You are an apostate mage," he winced in pain as he tried reaching for his sword, "the Order dictates...it dictates- - -"

Loretta felt the urge to do something, to say something that would make the man back off from leering at her baby sister. Carver "accidentally" shoved his older sister to the front of the group, and she found herself staring down the Templar. She tried putting on her best scowl, but Loretta was sure she only looked as if she were struggling with indigestion rather than anger.

The red-haired woman, however, came to Loretta's rescue.

"Please, Love," she told the man softly, "they _saved_ us. The Maker will understand."

The man nodded, barely, and took a step back to stand by his companion.

"We can hate each other later," the woman began before extending her hand to Loretta, "I'm Aveline Vallen, and this is my husband, Ser Wesley."

Loretta accepted the handshake, and was amazed at the sheer strength in Aveline's strong hands.

"We're headed south," Aveline continued, scanning the group, "it's better if we stay as a group if you value your lives."

"The Wilds are to the south, that's no good! We have to head north!" Carver yelled in frustration.

"We just came from there, it's impossible to get through," Aveline said sternly, "there's no other way."

_Well at least one person isn't unnerved by Carver's tantrums_, Loretta thought to herself smugly.

"Perhaps we'll get lucky, and they'll run out of darkspawn?" she said aloud as she laughed timidly. Aveline stared at her with unfeeling eyes, and she could hear Carver groaning beside her.

_Why must I open my mouth at the worst possible times?_

Another wave of darkspawn came into their view.

"I vote south," Loretta squeaked, pointing in the direction of the mass of darkspawn heading their way from the north.

So they ran south until they reached a clearing of wide, open space. And that's when they heard it.

The ogre's roar sent chills down Loretta's spine, and every hair on the back of her neck stood up in fear. She saw Bethany jump forward, putting herself between the large, angry beast, and the rest of the party.

"Bethany, no!" Carver yelled, but she didn't listen.

Raising her staff, Bethany summoned a fire spell, but before she could complete it, the ogre grabbed the young woman, and smashed her on the ground. The sound of crushing bone was unbearable as it repeatedly slammed her on the scorched earth like a useless rag doll before tossing her aside. Loretta froze, wide-eyed, and unbreathing.

_The blood...Maker, the blood's everywhere..._

Loretta's body burned with rage as her mind blanked. She heard people screaming, but everything sounded muted to her ears.

Loretta fired an arrow that grazed the beast's muscular arm. It didn't even flinch when the wound began oozing blood down its body. Loretta stared at the ogre, anger coursing through her veins. It felt strange to remain on the ground during a fight.

_If only Sunburst were here, we'd be able to take out that bastard ogre in no time..._

"Maker, Loretta, fight!" She heard her mother scream from behind a nearby rock.

Shaking herself mentally, Loretta sprinted over to a jagged, rocky wall, and climbed it to get a better aim at her foe. Loretta wedged herself on a piece of flat ground to stabilize herself.

Carver and Aveline were hacking away at the ogre's thick legs while leaping out of its way when it would try to charge. Loading two arrows at once, Loretta fired and struck the ogre in the neck. It screamed its wrath, and thrashed around frantically to get the arrows unlodged from its bleeding neck.

"A little help here, Loretta!" Carver barked as he thrust his large sword into an unsuspecting darkspawn.

Loretta switched her normal pointed arrow's heads for special, barbed ones filled with poison. But, her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and when she went to load two more arrows for her bow, she accidentally knocked most of her ammunition off of the ledge. She was terrible under pressure.

"Shit," she breathed as she took aim once more.

There was no time to dwell upon past mistakes; the ogre was headed for Leandra's hiding spot. Loretta's bow hummed as the arrow flew through the air, pierced through the ogre's eye. It stumbled as it clawed at its eye unsuccessfully. Enraged, the ogre found the archer up along wall, and charged in Loretta's direction.

Loretta's breath was caught in her chest.

"Maker, give me wings," she whispered as the ogre rammed its body just underneath the spot where Loretta stood.

The stone cracked underneath her feet, and the woman leaped as far as she could. Unfortunately, she landed on the back of the angry ogre, who flailed its arms around its back to tear off the unwanted rider. Loretta's bow fell to the ground, and she frantically tried to get a stronghold before she was thrown off or killed.

Loretta slammed her last two poison arrows through the skull of the ogre with a scream as she clung desperately onto the beast. She felt its skull crack at it howled in pain, the poison beginning to work its way through the ogre's body. Loretta had never killed anything while being this close to the victim, and it sent a darkness through her mind to see the thing fall to its knees, and writhe in pain. Finally, Loretta was able to leap safely off of the ogre as fell to the ground, dead.

She did it. Loretta Hawke killed an ogre. Kinda'.

* * *

"Wake up, Bethany. It's over..." a small voice said. Leandra cradled her daughter's bloodied body in her arms, sobbing.

Loretta backed away, not wanting to see her sister's broken body as the others gathered around the mother and daughter.

Leandra's voice could be heard loudly in the calm, "Why did you let her run off like that?! Your little sister!"

Eyes turned their gaze to the archer whose back was facing them. Loretta dropped her head in defeat.

"I um...I..."

"Oh my little girl!" Leandra wailed, pressing her daughter's lifeless body against her, "I'll never forget you, my most favored daughter..."

Loretta flinched, and continued to separate herself from the group slowly.

_Typical, Mother...always have to point out that I'm your first-born mistake..._

"Flames, we've waited too long..."

The group turned around at the sound of Aveline's voice to see even more darkspawn moving in to devour them. Loretta looked around, and a red figure caught her eye. She gasped.

It was a dragon.

A very big dragon.

It was a very big dragon that was swooping down from the sky spewing fire from its mouth.

_This can't be good, either...Maker, what a shit-day..._

But, the dragon wasn't interested in human flesh. With a single swing of its large tail, the dragon annihilated a third of the darkspawn in the group's way. The rest were scorched by the flames from its mouth.

The dragon was beautiful.

As it landed, the dragon was engulfed in a shimmering light, and was replaced with a woman in matching warrior's clothes.

"Well well, what have we here?"

The woman, or at least what looked like a woman, was elegant and intimidating all at once. Her shocking white hair looked like dragon's wings that fanned out behind her, and her eyes were a piercing shade of yellow.

"That's some party trick," Loretta said as she tried to smile, "care to share?"

_Damn! Why do I always make blighted jokes when I'm nervous? I'm such an idiot!_

To everyone's surprise, however, the woman laughed.

"Perhaps another day, Child," the woman said in a low, amused voice.

For a moment, it seemed the woman was peering into Loretta's soul. For her part, Loretta tried to remain calm and collected, but failed miserably due to the fact that she was still shaking from the battle.

"Is it fate, or chance? I can never really tell," the woman finally whispered faintly, "I will get you to a boat that will take you safely out of the darkspawn's reach, but only if you deliver something for me."

"Should we trust her? We don't even know what she is," Carver said bitterly.

"I know what she is," Aveline said as she looked over her husband's injuries, "she's a Witch of the Wilds."

The woman chuckled darkly, "Some call me that. Others call me Flameth, Asha'bellanar, or "An-Old-Hag-Who-Talks-Too-Much..."

Loretta snorted in laughter.

"Fine. Where will this boat take us?" Loretta ventured.

"To Kirkwall, of course."

"Kirkwall?!" "There's a lot of Templars in Kirkwall..."

She stopped herself. She no longer had a reason to fear them now that Bethany was gone.

"We have an estate there...and family," Leandra sniffed, "I think we should take her up on her offer."

"Bring this amulet to the Dalish leader in Sundermount. Do with it what she says, and any debt between us is paid in full."

Flameth stepped toward Loretta and dropped a green and gold pendent in her hands.

"Before I take you anywhere, there is another matter we must attend to..."

Loretta shifted her gaze, not wanting to face Aveline's husband as he lay coughing. His face was transforming, and his eyes were changing color.

The only cure for darkspawn taint was to become a Grey Warden, but those people were far beyond their reach.

Loretta blocked out the sounds of Aveline killing her own husband.

* * *

As promised, Flameth got the remaining group to a rickety ship bound for Kirkwall. It would be a trip of two, long weeks before any of them would see dry land again. Several days passed in silence out of respect for the deceased. Loretta's mother wouldn't even look at her ever since the battle with the ogre, but Loretta didn't care. Or, at least, that's what she told herself.

The first words out of Leandra's mouth to her daughter were, "If only Bethany were here."

Loretta was looking up at the stars that swayed in her vision from the rocking of the boat.

"You should have done a better job protecting her, Loretta," she continued.

Loretta was consumed by other thoughts.

_There'll be no trees, I bet. No nature...nowhere to run and be free in Kirkwall. It's no worse than being imprisoned. Maybe Bethany got the better end of the deal..._

Her mother addressed her shrilly, "After what happened to your sister, you still find time to daydream, Loretta?!"

Loretta blinked.

"Don't call me that, Mother," she replied flatly.

"Well, that's your name, isn't it? What in the Void am I supposed to call you?"

"Hawke. Just Hawke."

Leandra didn't even try to hide the loud sigh that escaped her mouth.

"Troublesome child," she lamented, and went to her bunk to sleep.

Loretta watched her mother leave, but did not stop her. Her thoughts returned elsewhere.

_Kirkwall..."The City the Maker Smiles Upon"...what could a city of stone and mortar offer someone like me?_

Hawke curled up in the small bunk, the water lapping up against the boat melodically. She shut her eyes as the Fade enveloped her consciousness, filling her sleep with dreams for the first time in her life. She would have celebrated the occasion if only her dreams did not have to do with an inescapable stone prison where no one could hear her screams.


	3. In the Shadows

_Good, you're back. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, all that darkspawn shit that happened before we escaped Ferelden...which leaves us with Carver, Mother, and yours truly. It was a dark time for me-for all of us. I was just glad to get off of that boat, and onto dry land. But, wouldn't you know it, just when things were starting to look up, it turns out the city gates were shut off to any more refugees. Great..._

* * *

The noise of angry, frustrated, and hungry Fereldens was enough to make Loretta want to scream herself hoarse. Everywhere she looked, people were arguing or yelling at the armored men guarding the gates.

Carver turned to Leandra saying, "I hope Uncle Gamlen got your letter, Mother."

Loretta scoffed, "And what makes you think he'd listen to this letter when he hasn't answered any of her letters for the past 20 years?"

Carver glared at his sister, and moved away from her to join their mother. She heard the phrase, "So helpful." hissed underneath his breath as Carver passed her.

The older woman tugged at an errant strand of hair nervously. Leandra was dangerously close to tears at this point, so Loretta decided she had better say something before the situation got any worse.

"Maybe he did get your letter, Mother," Loretta said softly.

Leandra looked painfully hopeful, and her daughter continued, "But even if he did, looks like no one's getting into the city."

Leandra looked crushed, and Loretta mentally reprimanded herself.

"That can't be right," their mother lamented as she began to look around, "we've got family here, and an estate. That's got to count for something."

"It's true," Aveline said as she pointed into the distance, "they aren't letting anyone into the city."

The group remained in the Gallows until their mother's brother finally did show up.

"Leandra?! Damn, girl, the years sure have changed you!" Uncle Gamlen exclaimed gruffly as he wrapped his sister in an awkward hug.

Leandra's looks weren't the only thing that changed since they last saw each other.

* * *

"The catch is that you'll have to work off your debt for a...a year."

"What in the Void, Uncle?! A year?!"

The older man laughed obnoxiously. Loretta could see he was clearly intoxicated.

"Think of it as having jobs waiting for you as soon as you get into the city," Gamlen slurred.

"What about the estate? The money? Surely Mother and Father left something." Leandra chimed in with a hint of urgency in her voice.

Gamlen ran his nubby fingers through his greasy hair.

"Don't go expecting our name to carry the weight it once did, Leandra," he said as he looked down, "And the estate's gone...needed to settle a debt after all."

"Gamlen, how could you!?" Leandra replied as she began to weep.

Carver put his arm around their mother, and she cried into his arms. Loretta was furious. Sure, Mother and her didn't always see eye to eye, but for her own brother to sell their family home without so much as even a note was wretched to her.

Loretta stepped forward, "Alright, let's hear your bright ideas, Uncle."

* * *

Loretta twirled an arrow between her fingers as the company strolled over to meet the leader of the infamous Red Iron. Uncle Gamlen told them that there were two groups hiring at the moment. One of them was the Red Iron, a troop of mercenaries, and the other was a group of smugglers led by the elf-rogue, Athenril. These options were not what Loretta had in mind, but Carver insisted they try the mercenaries first.

_How did I get knee deep in something like this...Maker help me not do anything stupid..._

She started to whistle one of her favorite bedtime songs from her childhood.

Carver crinkled his face in annoyance as he said, "Ya' know, Loretta, your nervous whistling sucks."

Loretta stuck her tongue out at him, "And you suck at life, so we're even."

"Honestly, it's like I'm babysitting children," Aveline said as she rubbed an armored hand over her head.

"He started it," Loretta replied with a devious grin.

"If you wouldn't have whistled, I would have stayed as quiet as a Chantry mouse," Carver said as he put his hand over his heart innocently.

"Arse."

"Nag."

"I swear to the Maker I'll chop off both your tongues in the next minute if you two don't shut it."

Fortunately for the Hawke siblings, no tongues would be chopped off this time as the group approached the man their uncle had pointed out was the Red Iron leader. Loretta continued to twirl her arrow between her fingers as if to show the man her fighting style.

But, before she could even take a deep breath to calm her nerves, he addressed Loretta, "Him and the warrior woman, yes. You, no."

Loretta's cheeks burned, and Carver couldn't hide the smug look on his face.

"What? How do you even know I was going to ask you anything?"

"Listen, little girl, I know the spineless ones when I see em'. And you," he leaned in and pinched her cheek, "are one of em'."

Loretta stopped twirling the arrow.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for you..." she replied in a sweet, sing-song voice.

"Sorry? Why sorry? You think I slipped and made a mistake, hmm?"

In a flash, Loretta took the arrow and rammed it into the man's thigh.

"Oops," she chuckled darkly, "it 'slipped'."

Loretta continued to whistle as she walked away nonchalantly. She heard someone chuckle near her, but when she looked, no one was beside her.

Aveline and Carver stood in momentary shock before running after Hawke. The mercenary hobbled off into a dark alleyway, cursing the Maker, Andraste, and any other being who would listen.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side, Hawke," Aveline commented with a slight amount of admiration in her deep voice.

Hawke sneered, "I get so blighted pissed when people call me 'little girl' simply because I'm short. Stupid nug-humpers."

Carver stared at her with astonishment.

Seeing her brother's gaze, Hawke sighed in exasperation,"Oh please, Brother," she drawled, rolling her eyes, "it's not like I used my battle arrows on him. He'll be fine."

"You really need to work on your people skills, Sis. I can give you some pointers, if you'd like."

Loretta clasped her hands together, and said in feigned excitement, "Well next time you ever interact with another decent human being, why don't you show me?"

"You're impossible!" Carver replied as he threw up his hands, "Let's go, Aveline, and pay a little visit to that elf-thief, and see what she has to offer."

They jogged forward, leaving Loretta with peace and quiet for a few moments. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.

Another shadow caught Loretta's eye, moving quickly toward a lone guard at one of the entrances. Approaching the unsuspecting man, the shadow stopped as if waiting for something. Loretta could see it was in the shape of a fairly tall person, most likely a man, with some sort of weapon strapped to his back. Her eyes widened as she watched. The person's hands started to glow at the fingertips as soon as the guard stood near one of the many flame torches that lined the area.

"Magic," she mouthed in surprise.

Magic that looked like hot embers flowed from the mage's fingers to set the guard's fabric on fire. It was a slow light that ate away at the man's clothes, and by the time he realized something was wrong, the man slipped past the guard unseen. The guard was now frantically trying to put out the small flame, and Loretta couldn't help but to smile at how ridiculous he looked, flailing about in the middle of the town.

In what seemed like seconds, the mage soundlessly unlatched the gate, and another person ran into the city only to disappear into a sewer drain moments later. Loretta watched the mage melt back into the shadows once again.

_Well that was cool...oh crap!_ Loretta thought as she ran to catch up with thief lord.

Aveline and Carver joined Athenril at the same time she did.

"No need for introductions," the elven woman stated when Loretta extended her hand, "I saw what you did to distract the guards so your brother and your friend could get my coin back."

Loretta stared blankly back at her.

"Not owning up to being a pyromaniac, I see," Athenril said as she took a bag of coins from Carver, "Regardless, good stealth work in setting the guard's clothes on fire. I like your style."

"Oh, that wasn't me, that was-"

Loretta cut herself off when she suddenly saw the real culprit shake his head, and put a finger to his lips.

_Where did he come from?_

She silently thanked the Maker that her eyesight was more than exceptional: being able to see farther and better than most humans, even in the dark, proved useful when Loretta would go hunting in the woods for food. In this case, at least she wouldn't rat out the man sneaking refugees into the city.

Loretta realized she had never answered Athenril, and the wait was making the elf impatient.

She answered feebly, "It was an accident."

The elf smiled and put a hand on Loretta's shoulder.

"We could use an innocent face like yours. No one would suspect a thing. You're hired."

Loretta heard the mage laugh again, and recognized it as the same voice she had heard chuckling earlier.

_Has he been watching me this entire time?_

The mage bowed, and when he rose again, Loretta saw the gleam of a mischievous grin from underneath his hood before he dashed towards Lowtown.

"All that's left is to relay the news to Mother and Uncle," Carver announced as they walked back where the rest of the group would be waiting.

_Just who was that mage?_ Loretta thought as she stared down an empty alleyway in the distance.

"Loretta, what in the Void are you looking at?! C'mon, already!"

Loretta stared into the shadows once more before turning around to catch up with her brother and Aveline.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me! I'll be busy in the next couple of weeks with all of my thesis work, so updates will be slow for a while. Sorry!**


	4. Two Dwarves and a Healer

**A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! Now that I'm done with thesis work (I passed!), I'll have more time to write! ^o^**

* * *

_So, you'd like to hear about my stint with Athenril? Tough, cuz' it wasn't as eventful or exciting as Varric likes to say. Yes, I did get paid decently well, but my skills were used to track people down, not rob them. People are oftentimes much stupider than animals, so tracking their trails was no problem. Eight months had passed, and I was itching for some excitement in my life. Careful what you wish for, you say? Yeah, I get that a lot..._

* * *

Loretta dragged her feet across the bumpy cobbled path of Hightown, and mumbled to herself sourly, "Didn't even give me a chance. Blighted dwarf..."

Stomping onward, Loretta collided with a man with flaming red hair who stuttered his apologies profusely before running off.

"Stupid- - -"

Loretta's hands groped her side where she usually hid her coin purse, but it was gone.

"Hey, wait!" she yelled as she whirled around to see the boy sprint around a corner.

Just as Hawke reached the last spot she saw the thief, a loud cracking sound filled the air, and the boy was pinned to a wall by a strategically placed arrow.

"Wow," Hawke whistled, looking around excitedly for a fellow archer.

A beardless dwarf held a large wood and brass crossbow which he then slung onto his back effortlessly.

The dwarf grinned wickedly as he approached the thief, "I knew a guy once who could steal every coin out of your pockets just by smiling at you. But you...you don't have the style to work Hightown."

The thief was now shaking in nervousness, and he dropped Loretta's coin pouch into the dwarf's hand. The dwarf said a few more words to the boy then punched him in the face- - - not hard enough to knock the kid out, but firm enough to get his point across. He retrieved his arrow with a slight chuckle as he shooed the troublemaker back to Lowtown.

_Shit__, __now __he__'__s __going __to __be __the __one __running __off __with __my __coin_, Hawke thought wearily as she watched the scene unfold.

The dwarf caught Loretta off guard, however, by tossing her coin pouch back to her in one swift movement. Loretta struggled to not drop it in front of him.

"How do you do? Varric Tethras at your service," the dwarf sang smoothly as he walked over to Hawke while twirling an arrow between his fingertips.

"She's beautiful..." Loretta blurted out in admiration before pretending to catch a cough to compose herself.

_Silly __of __me __to __be __so __awestruck __with __a __crossbow__...__even __one __as __fine __as __his__..._

Varric's face showed a mixture of surprise and happiness, "Bianca thanks you for your flattery," he began with a laugh, "I knew I'd like you the moment I saw you were also an archer."

Loretta's smile widened, and she had the sudden feeling she could trust the strangely charismatic dwarf even though they just met.

"Forgive my brother, Bartrand," Varric continued, "He wouldn't know a good opportunity even if it came up and bit him."

"So, you are associated with the Deep Roads Expedition?" Loretta inquired.

"Indeed I am," Varric replied heartily, "Now, here's what we need done, and here's how I'll help ya' do it. It's a win-win situation. Care to hear me out?"

Loretta sat down on a nearby set of stairs, "I'm all ears, Ser Dwarf."

* * *

What luck! Varric turned out to be just the sort of contact Hawke needed, and now that they were acquainted, he promised to find the Hawke siblings work in order to save the 50 sovereigns needed to sign onto the expedition as a partner. Loretta's day couldn't get any better.

The sun was unforgivingly scorching that day, and when Hawke picked up her hand to shield her eyes, she saw something that made her heart skip a beat. She continued walking down the street without thinking, her mind light and giddy for the first time in months.

There was a man, some distance away from her, buying herbs at a potion's stall. His amber-colored hair was pulled back loosely in a horse's tail directly behind his ears, and his bright honey eyes sparkled in the sunlight. The man's skin was slightly tanned, but lighter in color than Loretta's, and his smile was- - -

_Bam__! _Loretta crashed into one of the many fruit stalls that were in Hightown.

"Andraste's flaming ass!" she swore loudly as she stumbled further into the street, and causing the people to turn and glare at her.

Fruit was everywhere: rolling down the street, smashing under Loretta's feet, and some managed to find their way into the main water fountain in the square. Cursing obscenities, Loretta tried to disengage herself from the fruit stand while avoiding being caught by the owner of the stall; She did not, however, register what was happening at first.

Then she saw the man, the man who made all of this commotion happen, watching her. An apple had rolled over by his feet, and he picked it up and dusted it off on his green robes. Lifting the apple in Loretta's direction with a sly smile, the man bit into the fruit happily. There was no denying the shade of scarlet that colored the archer's face as she brought her hand up to her face in embarrassment.

_Shit__, __shit, __shit__! __I __can__'__t __let __this __random __person __see __me __like __this__!_

Loretta ducked into one of the many darkened alleyways so the man wouldn't be able to get a better look at her than he already did.

She instantly regretted the decision.

There stood the leader of the Red Iron with a band of rough-looking thugs. Several of them carried what looked like thick wooden planks while one of them had a massive chain wrapped around his hands and arms.

"Don't let her get away, boys," Meeran's cold voice pierced through the darkness.

Two men grabbed her, stripped her of her weapons, and dragged her to an isolated part of the alleyway. Loretta flailed wildly in an attempt to get free from her captors, and even managed to drag her nails across one their faces before they subdued her. If it wasn't for the incident with the fruit stand, Hawke was sure she would have seen danger like that coming from a mile away. But she was disoriented at the time, and the men who grabbed her took advantage of that.

"No one makes a fool of the Red Iron, and leaves unscathed," Meeran snarled.

"Get offa' me, freaks!" Loretta screamed, but was quickly silenced by one of the henchmen stuffing a cloth in her mouth.

Loretta's hands were pinned down, and when she saw the men with wood planks and chains advancing toward her, she nearly choked on the cloth in her mouth as she tried to scream. Her eyes widened as the largest man out of the group swung his weapon at her face with all of the strength he could muster.

Everything turned to black after that.

* * *

The next thing Loretta remembered was the feeling of being lifted by a pair of strong arms.

Her vision refused to focus, but she could hear her breath coming in short, rattling spurts, and the warm stickiness of blood seemed to be oozing out of several injuries on her body. A concerned, male voice addressed her softly, "I've got you, hold on just a little while longer."

Loretta was carried swiftly through the twists and turns of the alleyways.

The man pulled Loretta closer to his chest as she coughed up blood from her injuries, "In the middle of the blighted day, too," she barely heard him say, "Maker save us all..."

The scene around Loretta fogged into darkness once again.

When her consciousness came to her again, Loretta saw a warm, glowing light shimmering in her field of vision.

"Am I dead? Should I be going towards the light?"

The voice that spoke to her was filled with cautious amusement, "Hardly, but you'll need to try and remain awake, okay? I just need to check you out before I put you under again."

The large welts covering her body pulsated with excruciating pain, and there were several gashes along her sides as well. The man who rescued her, examined her body carefully, touching certain injuries with a delicate gentless.

"You've got a broken rib, possibly two," the man said quietly to himself as he scanned her body with the warm bluish-green light, "Looks like you've got quite the head wound, too."

He continued to go over her body with the light, and Hawke realized that the glow was coming from his hands.

This man was a Spirit Healer.

His hands hovered over her fingers, "Did you..." he began curiously, "scratch someone with your nails?"

"You got that right..." Loretta said weakly, but nevertheless, proudly, "Right across his ugly speckled mug."

The man's laugh rang through the air, and sounded to Hawke as warm as the light from his hands felt.

"You sound like my cat..." he said.

Loretta didn't know what overcame her, but she felt herself smiling (or what she hoped looked like a smile).

"I...love cats..." she replied.

If her eyes weren't about to swell shut, Loretta would have seen the man raise an interested eyebrow at her.

"Is that so?" the man said softly as he brought his hands up to her temples, "Okay, I need you to count backwards from ten, alright?"

Loretta felt herself get very sleepy, but she tried to get a good look at the man who had saved her.

"Thanks," she whispered before falling off into a deep sleep.

* * *

When Loretta woke up, she found herself in her own cot in Gamlen's house. Sitting up, her body ached immensely, and a large bandage was wrapped around her head. She had been dreaming about Bethany, but the dream felt nothing like anything Loretta had felt before. It was as if her sister were still alive and well, and able to take care of her older sister whenever she would get hurt.

She glanced over at the small nightside by her bed. Two green vials were placed there along with a note.

"Take one-fourth vial every day until both bottles are empty," Loretta read aloud.

She drank the recommended dose from the bottle, but hurriedly spit it out in disgust.

"Ugh, nasty!" Loretta said as she stuffed the vials underneath the mattress, "I'll just get better the slow way, thank you very much."

Her mind tried to form the face of the man who saved her, but all Loretta could remember was the blue-green light from his healing magic.

_Who __was __that __Spirit __Healer__, __and __why __does __it __feel __like __I__'__ve __met __him __somewhere __before__?_


	5. The First Real Meeting

_So yeah, a whole eight months with nothing, and now all of the sudden, things seemed to be happening all at once. That's all there is to say about it, so let's get right to it, shall we?_

* * *

"You idiot, I knew something like this was bound to happen!"

After coming home from a job two days later only to find that his sister had been roughed up by the Red Iron was too much for Carver. He wasn't sure who he wanted to kill more: Meeran for beating up his sister in the middle of the day, or Loretta herself for causing the ambush due to her previous interactions with the assassins.

"You can't go blighting stabbing people, and expect them to just sit and take it!"

Carver began pacing the floor, his armored boots clanging noisily on the wooden floorboards as he stomped around aimlessly. Loretta sat up slowly, bringing her hand to feel the gauze bandage that wrapped around the side of her head.

"Are you..." Loretta smiled devilishly, "actually worried about me?"

Carver scoffed as he ran his fingers through his hair in rapid succession, "If you woulda' died, it would have been _me_ who would have had to scrape your bloody corpse off of the street. I don't want to deal with that."

"I love you too, Brother," Hawke replied with a chuckle.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

Later, as Loretta sat at the table for the morning meal, a message came from the mail carrier addressed to her.

"A letter?" Leandra said quietly, "who would be writing to you?"

Hawke snatched the letter from her mother's grasp, and returned to her seat to open it. The lettering was immaculate and classy, with loops and curls in all the right places. It was written in deep, black ink that read:

_Archeress Hawke,_

_Meet me at the Hanged Man as soon as you get this note. I think I've got a_

_lead that will get us into the Deep Roads._

_Varric and Bianca_

_PS. Don't bother bringing Junior along._

Loretta coughed to hide her laughter as she tried not to spit out her hot cereal over everyone. How Varric knew about her brother was barely a surprise for Hawke considering how much the dwarf knew about their family (and every other family in Kirkwall, for that matter).

But, Varric gave precedence to her over her brother, and she'd be lying to herself if she said she wasn't happy about this decision.

Seeing his sister's smile was more than enough to pique Carver's interest, and when Loretta nearly skipped off into her room to change into some decent clothes for the day, he took the opportunity to skim over the message.

"Junior? What in the Void?", he said to himself as he turned the letter over one last time before setting it back down again.

Since when did anyone ever leave _him_ out of an adventure?

Loretta appeared moments later, with her bow strapped to her back along with a full quiver of arrows fletched with yellow feathers. She had unwrapped her head bandage, and had done her best to hide the large bruise behind her thick bangs. She kissed her mother on the cheek and thumped her brother on the back just before racing out the door.

The Hanged Man was a prime meeting spot to discuss the prospects of getting into the infamous Deep Roads as Varric had his own private suite at the tavern. After making small talk for a few minutes, Varric noticed Hawke shaking her leg with impatient excitement.

"I see you are eager to get down to business," the dwarf said good-naturedly as he took a drink from a large water goblet in front of him, " Sounds good to me. Now Hawke, what do you know about the Grey Wardens?"

* * *

"Anders," Hawke repeated to herself as she and Varric travelled to an alley in Lowtown. The name sounded warm in her mind, and it rolled easily off of her tongue. Varric informed her that they were to look for a lit torch in a specific alleyway in Lowtown, and that would be where the Grey Warden, Anders, could be found. When they went through the correct door, the room opened up to a make-shift clinic complete with chairs, beds, and various potions filling the shelves along the walls.

A man had his back to Varric and Hawke as he bent over what looked like a very sick woman. Greenish-blue light spilled out from his hands and covered her body, and Hawke could see he was concentrating very hard. The woman was finally revived, but the healer nearly collapsed afterwards.

_Maybe we should come back later..._

The mage turned suddenly to face Varric and Hawke.

"I have made this place a sanctuary of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?" Anders growled with a voice that seemed too deep to be his own.

Loretta's eyes widened when Anders whirled around to face them: it was the man from the marketplace.

"Holy Maker, here you are!" she exclaimed in a mixture of surprise and unabashed happiness.

Anders glanced off to the side, his eyebrows knit in confusion at the response he received.

His eyes flickered momentarily to the bruise on Hawke's face, "Here...I...am?"

Realizing the strangeness of her sudden outburst, Loretta reached around, grabbed her bow, and sighed in feigned relief, "Oh..my bow...here it is!" she rambled as she pulled at the bowstring, "it was right there all along on my back... thought I'd left it at home...trusty bow..."

_Jeez, why don't I just dance a jig while I'm at it?_ Loretta thought to herself as humiliation overcame her, _Maybe Carver's right...I do need to work on my people skills..._

Anders looked at her curiously, and Hawke was too absorbed in her own self-consciousness to see the small curve of a smile that formed on his lips.

Varric cleared his throat loudly, "What my dear Loretta Hawke is trying to say before she got sidetracked by her faithful bow," he said as he patted her hand fondly, "is that we are looking for entrances into the Deep Roads."

Loretta smiled gratefully at the dwarf, and he returned her smile with a wink of his own.

But, Anders suddenly looked very tired as he stepped toward Loretta, "Did the Warden send you to bring me back?" he said hastily, "I'm not going. Those bastards made me give up my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-Lot, he hated the Deep Roads."

Loretta blinked as a familiar memory crept into her consciousness, but she could not place it.

_Maybe I got hit on the head much harder than I thought. Blast, what is it that I'm not remembering?_

She attempted to plaster a look of stoic disinterest as she tried not to react as enthusiastically as she normally would have when she heard Anders was a cat owner.

She crossed her arms over her chest, and said in the blandest voice she could muster, "You had a cat named Ser Pounce-a-lot...in the Deep Roads?"

Anders mirrored her stance, "It was a _gift_," he said flatly, "A noble beast at that, too..."

Loretta bit the inside of her cheek, _Ugh, I suck at this..._

"Right, of course," Loretta replied as she laughed awkwardly, "So um...about those maps- - -"

The three of them discussed payment for the maps into the Deep Roads. Anders was in Kirkwall to aide a mage friend of his who was trapped in the Gallows. If Hawke wanted those maps, she needed to help Anders.

Hawke, of course, agreed.

* * *

"Alright, Blondie," Varric said as he walked out of the clinic's main room, "we'll be in touch."

Hawke was about to turn and leave as well when Anders suddenly addressed her again, "Just a minute," he said with hesitation in his voice, "Loretta, was it?"

Hawke froze.

_What do I say, what do I say?!_

"Y-you can just call me Hawke...everyone else does."

When she finally turned to face him, she was surprised by how close he seemed to her all of the sudden. His intense gaze was directed at the angry bruise peaking out from underneath her bangs.

"I can see you haven't been taking those potions as the bruising has yet to heal..." Anders nearly whispered.

Hawke dismissed the remark with a wave of her hand, "Well, that stuff tastes like rancid death in a bottle so- - -"

Hawke locked her deep brown eyes onto Anders's bright amber ones, "Wait...you...you were the one who saved me?"

"Here, let me see," he said quietly as he lifted Loretta bangs out of her face to expose the bruise.

Loretta did her best not to shiver as he looked over her injury. It was another one of her many nervous habits she had in times like this (not that there had been many times in her life when a disarmingly handsome man took the time to examine her head wounds in this way).

_He's so close...did I remember to brush my teeth this morning? I think so, but now I can't remember if I did- - -_

"Still tender," Anders commented to himself when Hawke winced when he put the slightest pressure on her forehead.

He brought his fingers down along the side of her neck, "Pulse is a bit rapid..." he said, and then flashed her a cat-like grin, "or am I making you nervous?"

The flirtatious gleam in Anders's eyes quickly vanished, and he backed away from Loretta, "No, no, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate of me."

"Join the club," Loretta said with a snicker, "Maybe we can keep tabs on who can say the most inappropriate things to each other, and the loser gets to buy dinner."

_Double crap!_ she cursed to herself,_ That came out...wrongly...and did I just ask him out!? Maker, give me a working brain for once in my life..._

But Anders did laugh, and it resonated deep within his chest, similar to the laugh Hawke remembered when she was lying on one of the beds in his clinic just a few days before. And just as before, she felt her heart flutter in her chest as a smile spread easily cross her face.

"We'll have to see about that," Anders replied with a grin on his face once again.

Hawke nearly made a run for the door so as not to say anything else stupid or embarrassing. She didn't think she would be able to live through the day if she said one more thing to make Anders think her silly.

"I um...should catch up with Varric," she said, nearly at the door.

She heard Anders's voice call to her one last time, "It's a waste of a beautiful name, you know..."

Hawke stopped and looked over her shoulder, her long hair shielding most of her face from view.

"I think I'll stick with calling you Loretta, if you don't mind."

"No..." Loretta said, "I don't mind..."

Anders did not know at the time that the small, shy smile Loretta gave to him that day would be the same smile he would come to ache for during the lonely, sleepless nights he spent in his clinic.

All Anders did was smile back at Loretta Hawke as he bid her goodbye after their first real meeting.


	6. On the Subject of Friends (plus 1)

**A/N: Sorry, I haven't been updating as much as I'd like. I hope this will make up for it! I'm so behind on everything FFnet, I apologize! Enjoy!**

* * *

_Hello, Friend...can I call you Friend? Yeah, I think I'll do that. So, I quit Athenril's (more like, didn't show up for work ever again), and followed Varric's lead in finding jobs. You'd be surprised by how much work he was able to drum up through his contacts...I know I was. I'll tell you a bit about that first before I tell you about meeting Anders' "+ 1"._

* * *

"Just trust me, Butters," Varric would tell her over and over again to ease her nervousness, "you're a lot more capable than you think."

Those words became a silent mantra for the archer woman as she took on more and more jobs. The days passed by in a blur for Loretta, and the dwarf and girl swiftly became friends. Loretta reveled in the challenge of being the one to tell the most outlandish tales, and Varric appreciated Loretta's quirky and clumsy personality. When they were not on jobs together, Varric would show Loretta various archery and rogue techniques to help her to build upon the skills she learned while working for Athenril. When she squealed in happiness after learning how to effectively use exploding arrows, Varric knew they'd be fellow partners in archery for life. While he had many contacts and acquaintances in his line of work (and the term "work" is used loosely when associated with Varric), there was no one quite like Hawke.

But, the strangest thing happened to Loretta when she would go out for these "jobs" Varric supplied her with: she'd come out of the job with a friend.

A _non-animal_ friend.

Loretta thought it nearly impossible to make friends of the two-legged variety while she was in Ferelden. And now, she seemed to be collecting an entourage of sorts. And besides that was the fact that Varric (lovingly) nicknamed her "Butters". When Loretta asked about this a few days later, Varric told her it was due to the golden streaks that filled her strawberry-blonde hair, but Loretta had a sneaking suspicion it was because she had a bad tendency to randomly drop things without any provocation.

But, back to the subject of "friends". First, there was the elven slave, Fenris. With his tall, lean stature and a greatsword as big as his body, the only thing more menacing than the lyrium burned into his skin was his permanent scowl.

"Your time with your master must have been tough for you," Loretta said while on a job to rid Hightown of raiders one night.

Fenris nearly snarled at her like an angry wolf, "He is no longer my master," he replied as his eyes narrowed at her, "and what else would you expect from a slave's life? Happy smiles, and contented days?"

Loretta quickly waved her hands in front of her face to try to defuse the situation, "N-no, right, that was a stupid question of me. Sorry."

She heard the elf sigh deeply as he continued to follow her, but he did not answer her directly. Why he continued to follow her was a complete mystery to Loretta.

This was not the first time she wished she knew what to say to get along with people better. Being around Fenris made Loretta feel extra clumsy and unsophisticated when there was a job to be done, and she was almost certain that he found her nervous whistling just as abhorrent as Carver did.

_Maybe it would be better if I just kept my big mouth shut_, she thought to herself later that night as she shut her eyes in a grimace as her jumbled words and nervous mumblings played through her head like an annoyingly broken record.

Besides Fenris, Loretta also made friends with other women other than Aveline: Merrill and Isabela.

Merrill and Loretta shared a fondness for the beauty of nature, often going on walks along the Wounded Coast or near Sundermount where the lush green grass beckoned them to frolic around daily. But, besides their walks, Loretta could not shake the feeling that she and Merrill could never be truly close. The small, dainty elf with large innocent eyes- - - people called her naive and childish, but Loretta always felt an urge to distance herself from Merrill.

Maybe it was because she willingly used blood magic? Or perhaps, it could be that Loretta knew that deep down, Merrill would always be more focused on restoring her own reputation as well as restoring the history of her Dalish people.

And then there was Isabela: the bustiest, toughest vixen to ever sail the seas. Loretta admired her adventurous spirit, and her way with men, but Loretta's friendship with pirate hinged on the unspoken agreement that neither one of them ventured into extremely personal matters. Sure, Loretta felt that this sort of friendship was a bit shallow and solely concentrated on having fun and making crude jokes, but if that's the kind of relationship Isabela wanted, then that was the kind of relationship Loretta would have with her.

Yes, Loretta finally had "friends". That's what these people were to her, right?

Somehow, though, it all felt very meaningless to Loretta. Going home to her uncle's shack at the end of an excruciatingly long day made Loretta face the reality of her new life in Kirkwall. And as she stared up at the dark, dank roof that threatened to cave in on them at any moment, Loretta could feel her own heart drumming against her ears as if reminding her every night that she was still alive while her sister, father, and Sunburst were all dead.

"I just want to go home", she'd whisper to her pillow before drifting off into an uneasy, dream-filled sleep.

The morning came just like the one before it, with the sun trying to pour into the bedroom, but failing due to the nauseatingly caked-on filth that masked the only window. Loretta rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as her vision began to focus. Today was going to be different.

Today was the day Loretta promised to help Anders out with his mage friend, Karl.

She had made all of the necessary planning beforehand: she had fletched extra arrows with her signature yellow feathers, and had even gathered a collection of smoke bombs and small explosives, just in case. The day itself trudged on uneventfully, and Loretta found herself growing increasingly nervous as nightfall approached. Finally it was time for her to make the short trek over to the healer's clinic.

"Hi, Anders, it's great to see you again," she whispered to herself as she walked through the dark streets. Loretta shook her head emphatically before she continuing to practice, "Hiya, Anders, what's crack-a-lackin'...oh dear Maker, I'll never get this right."

She sighed in defeat.

* * *

The door to the clinic was slightly ajar, and as Hawke stepped inside, she saw Anders at the far end of the room scribbling on a piece of parchment.

"Uh...A-Anders?" Loretta said, her voice cracking much to her dismay.

The mage quickly turned around to face her, and a smile spread across his face.

"Ah, Loretta, I'm glad you've come," he said with so much relief in his voice it surprised her.

Loretta felt her heartbeat quicken.

"I wasn't entirely sure you'd show up," Anders continued as he resumed writing down a few last notes.

Loretta fought the urge to glare at him.

_What, you think I'm a flake? Great..._

"I said I'd help you, and I meant it," she replied tersely.

"Indeed, you did, and I am...beyond grateful. I just wanted you to know that, no matter what happens."

"You sound as if we're heading off to war, Anders," she said with a laugh she hoped sounded confident, "We'll be fine."

_Shit, what in Maker's name did I promise to help him with? But- - -_ she looked at his expression as he continued to write down his latest report on a patient - - - _his eyes...they seem so...troubled...far too troubled for it to be from this alone..._

Anders' voice echoed in the empty clinic, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"Oh no..." she said, "I was just marveling over how quick and even your...handwriting was...yep. It's wonderfully lovely penmanship you got there."

He raised an eyebrow at her as he blew on the ink to dry, "Uh-huh..." he replied, clearly unconvinced.

If Loretta could hit her palm to her head at that moment, she would have. Instead, she remained firm and tried to look sincere in her convictions.

"Right," Anders finally said as he rolled up the piece of parchment and tucked it away in one of the many drawers that lined the clinic walls, "Follow me."

Once they got to the Darktown exit, Anders turned to Loretta again, his voice low, "And no whistling."

This time, however, Loretta did not fail to notice the faint outline of an amused smile on Anders' face before he walked on ahead.

Loretta hummed, instead.

* * *

The Chantry looked as serene and quiet as ever with the moon flooding the area with hues of violets and blues.

_Don't freak out. Don't freak out..._ Loretta repeated to herself as they made their way up the Chantry steps to stand just outside the entrance.

Loretta was so consumed with handling her feelings of fear and anxiety that she nearly ran into Anders. Looking at her, he said, "No Templars so far. I just saw Karl go inside."

"Good...that's good...everything according to plan," Loretta replied hastily.

She saw Anders lean forward, and he spoke softly, "Are you ready for this?"

Loretta's deep brown eyes met Anders', and her face smoothed over in resolve.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

Everything was supposed to go according to plan: they were well prepared, and were going to free Karl from his wretched prison. But, everything didn't go according to plan.

And, that was when Loretta met _him_.

When Anders went to touch his friend's shoulder, Karl turned around, and Anders let out a low wail.

"Karl?!"

The mage, Karl, was a man older than both Hawke and Anders, with his salt and pepper hair matching his thick mustache and beard.

But, there was no mistaking the mark of a Tranquil mage stamped on his forehead.

Karl addressed Anders in an empty voice, "I had to be made an example of, Anders. The Templars will teach you too..."

Loretta panicked.

"Anders, Anders," Loretta's voice shook horribly, "The T-Templars...!" she hissed as she tried to compose herself.

Happening in the blink of an eye, the area around them warped and tinged with a pulsating blue light. Loretta felt her nerves calm, and an unfamiliar feeling enveloped her body. It was as if electricity was now coursing through her, and concentrated itself in her fingertips.

She glanced over, and reached for Anders in surprise when she saw him fall to his knees.

"NO!" Anders yelled before bursting into a blue flame.

It was no longer Anders who spoke.

_That power...that massive power emanating from him...just who is he, exactly?_ The thought flashed through Loretta's mind as the man jumped to his feet.

His eyes burned a brilliant blue color, and his voice rang with a guttural raspiness,** "You will never take another mage as you took him!"**

The Templars wasted no time in attacking them.

**"You!" **he boomed at Loretta, **"Use your archery skills from the shadows. I will aide you. Now, go!"**

Loretta took a chance and glanced up at the being before her. Their eyes met, and she nodded quickly before throwing a smoke bomb to distract the Templars as she fled into the dark corners of the Chantry.

Loretta and "Anders" took them down easily. They worked seamlessly together, Loretta and the man, and if Loretta didn't know any better, she would have sworn that she was given heightened abilities thanks to the blue light that glowed from him. Soon, all of them Templars were dead at their feet.

"Anders" put his hands on his knees, his shoulders heaving up and down as he breathed heavily. Loretta watched as Anders' eyes returned to normal, and he stopped glowing. The area still felt hazy and unnatural to Loretta, though.

Karl broke the uneasy silence.

"Anders, what did you do?" he said, seeming to have come to his senses, "It's like you brought a piece of the Fade with you into this world!"

Anders rubbed his temples slowly. He looked tired.

_Very_ tired.

"I have some...unique circumstances, yes..." he managed to say in a whisper.

Something caught Loretta's eye, and she dragged her attention away from the two men to focus elsewhere. Flecks of blue light materialized in front of her, and her eyes widened in shock.

It was Bethany.

Looking frantically around, Loretta expected Anders or Karl to notice what she did. But, if they did notice the other person in the room, they made no mention of it.

"You have to kill me Anders!" Karl pleaded as he took Anders by the hand, "Y-you can't imagine it...all the music...all the _life_ in the world- - - gone."

"Karl, I can't..."

Loretta did not take her eyes off of her sister's form. Silently, she saw Bethany place a hand on her heart and lower her head as if in sadness.

"My sister said that being made Tranquil is a fate worse than death," she said solemnly, her voice unusually soft and pensive.

_Wait, Bethany never actually told me that.. how did I know that? If I were a mage, I'd rather live Tranquil than be killed without reason. Maybe they could find a cure, regardless of what Anders' thinks...I'd still want my life intact._

The flames from the torches that lined the area cast ominous shadows along Anders' face. Every line, every crevice on his face seemed heightened to Loretta.

The sadness she saw in Anders made her own heart hurt.

'I'm sorry Karl, I'm so very sorry," Anders said as he stepped toward his friend.

Bethany's image started to waver, and the blue outline of her form began to dissolve. Loretta lurched forward as if to reach for her sister, but Karl interrupted her.

"Now, do it now! It's fading!" He pleaded as his face contorted itself in anguish.

Then his face calmed, and his voice became hollow once again as he stared at Anders.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Goodbye...Karl..."

* * *

Loretta gasped, and her mind raced.

_Maker...he killed his friend...his own friend! I-I mean, I know he asked for it, but, does that make it right?_

Loretta's head began to ache as she felt confusion welling up inside her.

"Let's go," Anders said coldly, "we have to leave before any more Templars come."

Loretta stayed rooted to the spot and stared at Karl's lifeless body pooling blood onto the Chantry's marble floor. She kept staring, her mind blank and her ears buzzing. The adrenaline rush Anders' presence gave to her before was now gone. All that was left inside Loretta was a cruel wanting for things to have turned out quite differently. The blue glow was gone, Bethany was gone, and Karl was dead. The faces of the dead flashed before Loretta's eyes, and she felt powerless to stop it.

Death followed her like a curse.

A warm, wet hand grabbed Loretta's own, and she felt herself being led away back into the shadows of Kirkwall's streets. Templar blood, mage blood, blood of their enemies, and blood of a friend, all of it gluing their hands together in a morbidly tight grip until they reached the clinic.

* * *

When they entered the clinic, Loretta separated herself from Anders' grip.

"What," Loretta said in a whisper, "What just happened there? With Karl, with the Templars, with..." she faltered.

Loretta could see that he was all but broken as he stood before her with his shoulders slumped and his body covered in blood. It was a look she was quite familiar with for it was the same hallowed stare she saw in the mirror for months following her escape from Ferelden. Her eyes softened as she looked at the mage standing in front of her.

_It takes a strong person to go through what he just did...maybe he did do the right thing for Karl..._

"What happened to you, Anders?"

"This...this is going to be hard to explain. You may want to sit down."


	7. Heart to Heart

_Glad to see I haven't scared you off, yet. So yes...I met Anders' soulmate when we went to rescue Karl. And yes, the pun is definitely intended here. I know I should have been afraid. I know I should have thought of this union as strange and unnatural...but I blighted didn't, and I didn't feel the least bit bad about it. There are plenty of wretched beings in this world, and most of them do not have a spirit inside of them as an excuse for their actions. At this point in time, I just wanted to know how and why this spirit was with Anders, and what sort of competition I was up against for his attention._

_What? Don't stare at the page like that, and tell me the thought wouldn't have crossed your mind, too, if there was someone you fancied. Competition is competition, after all._

* * *

Anders wrung his hands together nervously as he paced in front of Loretta. The woman watched the man, but said nothing. The blood from their previous battle felt like it had already seeped through Loretta's skin, tainting her very bones. She had not seen so much bloodshed for several months now, and killing darkspawn was nothing in comparison to killing actual human beings. Loretta knew she would never grow accustomed to it.

Pushing down the persistent voice in her head that screamed she needed a bath, Loretta cleared her throat- - - better to ease the tension in the room so Anders could say what was on his mind, she thought to herself.

"Anders, I'm not going to bite," Loretta began as an impish grin curled her lips mischievously, "At least, not about something like this..."

He stopped mid step, and stared at her. She stared back.

_Wow, did I just flirt with him? Oh for Andraste's sake, what am I doing?_ Loretta looked on in horror at the soured reaction she'd no doubt receive from Anders at such a comment. _This is an all-time low, even for me_, she thought with a sigh.

Luckily, though, Anders' face cracked into a relieved smile. He sank down next to Loretta, and studied her eyes, hoping she was as sincere as she appeared to be.

"What you saw," he began as he broke eye contact with Loretta, "was the effect of a magic I had hoped you would not see until you knew me better- - -until _we_ knew each other better."

Try as she might, a blush rose up to fill her cheeks that Anders did not see as he was looking down at his hands.

"So...that wasn't normal magic you used against the Templars just now, was it?" Loretta finally replied in a quiet voice.

Anders still wouldn't bring his gaze up to meet her inquiring eyes.

"No..." Anders answered, but then trailed off, unsure of what to say. Pressing his thumb into his palm in a rubbing motion, he continued, "No, I'm afraid not. The power you witnessed was from Justice, a spirit who resides within me."

Loretta's mouth hung open as a small gasp escaped her lips. Despite seeing the transformation with her own eyes, Loretta ogled at him in disbelief. Collecting herself after realizing she was making Anders even more uncomfortable, she tried shifting the conversation. Loretta and her mother may not get along very well, but at least she instilled a sense of manners in her daughter when it counted the most.

She bowed at the waist rather stiffly, "Then I owe _Justice_ my thanks, if that's the case."

Anders blinked back at her as he gave Loretta a sideways glance. "You do? Whatever- - -" he paused for a moment as he ran his dried, bloody hands on his mage's robe uneasily, "Whatever for?"

Loretta sighed nervously as the conversation turned to focus on her, "It felt like your power- - - his power - - - made me stronger and faster while I fought alongside him. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life. If I could just speak with this spirit, I'd like to thank him personally."

Anders' eyes flashed in Loretta's direction, and an emotion crossed his face that made Loretta do a double take. Jealousy, maybe? Now she was the one studying the creases of dried blood etched into her palms.

Anders crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at her, "He can't just pop up out of thin air whenever you wish to speak with him."

"Of course, of course," she contended as she sat up a little more rigidly in her seat, "Just, ya' know...whenever you do speak to him...just thank him for me."

"It's not like we can have a conversation, Loretta," Anders said as he rubbed the back of his neck, "His thoughts go through my mind as if they were my own thoughts. At this point, there's no telling where he ends and I begin."

That brought up more questions than answers for Loretta. Taking time to think silently, she felt Anders watching her. Whatever uncomfortableness the archer woman felt before intensified as she remained quiet. Looking back up into Anders' eyes, Loretta finally found her voice again.

"That's all fine and dandy, but how did this happen?"

It was obvious to Loretta that she had unsettled him with her question, so she rambled on, "I mean, um, if it's not too personal, that is...it's probably too personal, I have a habit of sticking my nose in places- - -"

"I befriended Justice when I was in Amarathine some time ago," Anders said as he lifted a hand for Loretta to stop her fidgeting (she tended to do that quite often nowadays). "We held a common bond over our feelings about the injustices faced by mages in Thedas every day. But, the spirit was trapped outside of the Fade, possessing a corpse. I thought that, perhaps, inviting him in would be a solution to more than one problem. I was wrong about that, unfortunately."

Loretta noticed the tired look in his eyes resurfacing, but that look was quickly brushed aside. Sadness, instead, filled his face. Sadness tinged with regret.

"He's not my friend anymore," he said with a voice that had begun to weaken, "My anger's gotten the best of him, and now he's a spirit of Vengeance. It just isn't the same anymore."

A stillness encompassed the small clinic as both Anders and Loretta pondered what was just said.

Loretta licked her parched lips in thought, "Vengeance...Justice..." she said, carefully choosing her words, "That's just two sides of the same coin."

Anders met her eyes with a look of slight confusion.

"My bet is your anger did not change the spirit," Loretta continued, "for he was like that to begin with. The only thing that's changed is your perception of his actions since they involve you now."

Now it was his turn to stare at Loretta with an open mouth.

He shook his head, nevertheless, saying, "You saw what kind of monster I become when I see things that anger me now. I often wonder how I could have been so foolish as to think that I was strong enough to do this. You must think less of me as a man after seeing how repulsively I acted."

"No," Loretta returned in a softer voice, "I saw a man trying to right a wrong the best way he knew how." She leaned forward as if to take his hand in hers, but instead, dropped her hand, saying, "You can't beat yourself up about consequences you had no way of knowing. Now the spirit just has a nice body to express his feelings with instead of a dead one."

Anders ruffled her bangs, "Where have you been my whole life? You definitely know how to make me feel much better about staring at myself in the looking glass in the morning.

"Hah hah, you know me," Loretta laughed a bit too loudly as she looked away, "always there with an awkward comment or two to brighten up your day." She coughed into a fisted hand as she desperately tried to change the subject. "So, anyways, I should get going. Long day tomorrow with Maker knows who asking us for our help."

Loretta stood up abruptly, and looking down at the mage in front of her, said, "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Anders smiled back warmly. "I never thought I'd find anyone who would continue to associate with someone like me after what just came out of my mouth."

Loretta giggled, and waved her hand in dismissal.

"So, it's like what? Three to nil?"

Anders cocked his head at Loretta in befuddlement for a second before a more relaxed grin spread across his face.

"The deal was that someone only gets a point if it's _inappropriate_, and from where I'm sitting, you're still at zero."

Loretta's blush colored her face in an instant which she tried to hide by running her hands through her hair. That only made things more obvious since her hair was up in a bun, so she resorted to blowing a puff of air to get her errant bangs out of her eyes. Anders reacted my chuckling at her, and Loretta saw his shoulders visibly relax in front of her.

"Until tomorrow, Loretta," Anders said as he bid her goodbye.

* * *

The next morning, a letter arrived for Loretta from one of the merchants in Hightown. Skimming the note, she walked into the room where Carver was staying. She choked back a laugh as she watched him sprawled out across his small cot in a deep slumber. Drool pooled around his mouth, and he snored loud enough to be heard in every room in the house. In one swift movement, Loretta jerked the side of the cot, causing her brother to tumble onto the rotten floor at her feet amid a storm of curses.

"Blighted shit! I'm up, Captain, I wasn't oversleeping, I- - -"

His vision cleared, and an angry scowl covered his face, "Loretta?! What the Void!?"

"Got a job," she replied as she threw a pair of pants in his direction, hitting him in the face. "Get up, let's go."

"Hey, hold on!"

Loretta was already dressed and picked up her bow at the door. Carver reached out to grab her arm, but she dodged his advances by hopping to the side.

"Where were you last night?"

"Nowhere."

"Who were you with?"

"No one."

Carver followed closely behind Hawke as she walked outside to put on her boots. Within moments, she was practically running down the street, and away from their Uncle's shack. Carver grabbed his shoes and chased after her in nothing more than socks.

"Loretta, wait!" Carver called out to his sister as he literally hopped down the alleyway, "Can you at least tell me where we are going?"

"We're under contract to retrieve some stolen cargo. It's all very legit- - - the letter had a family crest on it and everything."

"And who's this 'we' you are referring to?"

Loretta sighed in frustration as she whirled around to face her brother, "Do you want to get paid or not?"

"Lead the way, Sister," he said with a grin as he tied a knot in his shoes.

* * *

Anders looked clearly surprised (happily surprised, I might add) that Loretta did indeed ask him to tag along for a job, and together, the three companions made the short trek over to Fenris' mansion. When Fenris answered the door, already in full armor and weapons at the ready, Loretta suddenly struggled to sound coherent in front of the elf.

"Uh, Fenris... so there's this uh... this thing, and..." she cut herself as she mumbled her request. The longer he stood in his doorway staring down at the woman, the more intimidated Loretta became.

"We are wasting time," he said, stepping outside, and shutting the door behind him. "We should go."

Loretta slouched her shoulders as she walked to their next destination: today was not a good day for her to work on her social skills, it seemed. They traveled in silence until they stopped at a warehouse near the water docks.

"This is the place, I think," Loretta said, her hands beginning to itch in nervousness.

Quietly, she picked the lock, and the companions poured into the building.

"Who are ya'?" a gruff voice snarled at Loretta as she walked into the warehouse.

"The building was supposed to be empty," she hissed to herself as she could feel her palms beginning to sweat.

"Whaddya' want?" The man barked at her again. A group of men were playing cards at a makeshift table surrounded by boxes stacked up to the ceiling. Loretta made a fast scan of the room, and realized that it was much bigger on the inside, with possibly two or three rooms in the back.

"I-I am Hawke," Loretta said, hoping her voice contained strength, "and my companions and I were sent here to reclaim property that rightfully belongs to the St. Claire estate. If you hand over the cargo now- - -"

Hearing snickers from the men in the room sent Loretta's blood boiling. She narrowed her eyes at one haughty individual in particular as she readied her bow. The leader approached her, his wooden leg scraping the ground noisily.

"Now now, deary," the man huffed at her with a breath that reeked of tobacco, "what's a lass like you going to do if we refuse?"

The man bent down in an attempt to stroke her face with a gnarled hand, but before he could do so, he found himself suddenly surrounded by a mage and two very angry looking warriors.

"Touch her and die," Carver said, glaring at the man with steely eyes.

Fenris glowed bright blue as the lyrium lit up his skin. He smirked at the man with a devious, one-sided grin, "Unfortunately for you, I will still kill you, anyway."

"Men!" Their leader yelled in a panic. "Attack!"

The group of men knocked over chairs, and overturned tables as the battle commenced. Fenris wasted no time in plunging his glowing fist into their leader's chest to burst his heart with a single squeeze. The warriors tackled the men head on while Loretta and Anders fought from a distance, the mage with his elemental abilities and the woman with her archery skills.

"We've got everything under control here," Anders yelled to Loretta as he froze one of the men in a mixture of ice and rock. "Get the cargo, so we can get out of here!"

She glanced over to her brother and Fenris one last time before leaping into the shadows and out of sight. Not long after that, the battle finished quickly.

"And that," Fenris said as he sliced a man in two with his greatsword, "is the end of that."

Lifeless, bloody, charred, or frozen men all lay around their feet, defeated. Anders clapped Carver on the back, saying, "Good fight out there."

Carver returned the compliment with a satisfied expression, "You're not so bad yourself."

It was Fenris who remained quiet, his eyes looking around the main room.

"Where's Hawke?"

"She was just here a moment ago- - -"

Anders' heart skipped a beat as a muffled cry echoed in the warehouse.


	8. Quest After Quest, Push After Pull (p1)

**A/N: "Queen's Envy" is based off of the "Sleeping Beauty" hibiscus flower found in cool weather. Also, this chapter is split into two parts (the second part will be uploaded soon). Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_Oh no, I'm totally in trouble, and it's the worst trouble ever, and you are sitting on pins and needles because I left you hanging! The agony! The suspense! Oh, the humanity of it all!_

_Ahem, okay so it's not nearly that dramatic, but I did just cut you off there in the middle of the story, so for that, I apologize. But, I must admit, I found it so much fun, I may just have to do it again. If you could see my facial expression now, you'd see I'm about to laugh maniacally. But, you can't, so you'll just have to take my word for it._

_Oh, and in case you're wondering how I could possibly know it was Fenris who "looked around the main room" or that Anders' heart "skipped a beat" while I'm supposedly knee deep in nug shit, well it's really quite simple: I asked them about it later._

_But enough talking- - -onto the next part!_

* * *

"No, no! You've gotta' stop! Eek!"

Anders and Carver reached the back room mere moments after Fenris did, their weapons drawn and searching for Loretta. Looking down, Carver put a hand up to his face to wipe his brow.

"Oh, for the love of the Maker," he said in exasperation, "Loretta, _what_ are you doing?"

There was Hawke, barely visible, and drowning in a sea of furry bodies belonging to over a dozen Mabari puppies. She cried out in giddy excitement, sitting cross-legged on the ground while the dogs happily licked her face and hands. The "cargo boxes" they were sent to retrieve contained none other than these purebred Mabari; with an array of yips and barks, the pups clamored on Loretta with paws much too large for their small statures. They couldn't have been more than two months old.

As they all began climbing on her, Loretta was nearly tackled to the ground, laughing so hard tears formed in her eyes. "Okay, okay, I get it, you're all thankful... ah!" she squealed as the Mabari continued to slather her face with canine kisses of gratitude, "I'm more of a horse-hearted woman, really- - -"

Her protests were silenced, however, among the dogs' ecstatic howls due to being saved.

Finally able to stand up, Loretta rejoined her companions. Anders shook his head with a light-natured grin as his eyes scanned Loretta's disheveled appearance from top to bottom. The smile she wore when she was surrounded by the Mabari was something he found mesmerizing, although a slight rumbling in his chest warned him not to dwell upon it too much.

He cleared his throat, and suppressed the nagging feeling in the back of his mind."Well, if there was ever any doubt about your love for animals, this definitely erases that," Anders said, his eyes nevertheless softening as he looked at her.

Loretta picked up the smallest puppy that scampered near her feet as Fenris walked to her side.

"I am glad you are unharmed, Hawke," the elf commented as he looked at the puppy in her arms. Loretta was almost certain she heard a low chuckle coming from his direction.

She smiled easily, not wanting to say anything to break the happy mood of the moment. Instead, she addressed the Mabari, "Now, now, settle down. It's time for us to take you back home."

True to what was known about the breed being able to understand human speech, the Mabari pups all fell into an orderly line behind the archeress, and waited patiently for orders.

"Time to get paid, then," Carver said as he fell in step with his sister as they began walking to Hightown.

* * *

People stared at the line of puppies following Loretta down the street in military fashion. As they continued towards their destination, Fenris walked nearest to Loretta.

"You really shouldn't make noises like that, Hawke," he finally said, referencing the cries he, Carver, and Anders had heard earlier.

"So, what, you want me to keep my emotions bottled up and swept under the rug? Do you honestly think I'm that kind of person?" the woman said jokingly.

"No, I simply meant that crying out like that could signal you are injured when in reality, you are not. You don't want to be the person 'crying wolf', do you?"

"But, I didn't cry wolf," Loretta said as she tried not to giggle, "I cried, 'Puppiessss!' _Completely_ different thing."

She heard Anders snickering behind her. Fenris sighed as if in frustration, but Hawke could see a smile tugging at his lips. She had done it: Loretta had made a breakthrough with Fenris.

_Yep, today's totally a success_, the archeress thought to herself.

After returning the dogs (and receiving quite a hefty reward), Hawke's companions returned to their respective homes: Fenris to his borrowed mansion, and Anders to his underground clinic. Finally, Hawke and Carver were alone in the Lowtown streets. But, just before reaching the door to Gamlen's, Carver told Loretta he had business to attend to with the local Templars, and that he'd see her around dinner time.

_Thank goodness_, Loretta thought to herself as she watched the young man disappear around the corner. Carver didn't really know much about the Deep Roads Expedition, and Loretta wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

* * *

The successes of the day were short-lived, however. Her mother was mending a pair of grimy old socks when Loretta burst into her uncle's shack full of happiness.

"I've finally got enough, coin, Mother!"

"Whatever are you talking about, Loretta?" she said as she set the garment down on her lap.

"For the Deep Roads thing I told you about!" Loretta replied emphatically as she waved her hands around. "You know...the one with my friend, Varric. Once I get back, I'll have enough coin to get your house back!"

Leandra made a clucking noise that reminded Loretta of a disappointed chicken. "I thought you were done with this 'get rich quick' scheme of yours."

Loretta dropped her hands, and glared at her mother. "No, I was just saving my coin, like I said. Besides, I'm twenty-four years old...I don't need to ask your permission to go, anyways- - -"

"Fine, I'll let you go," her mother replied in a bored voice, "but only under two conditions..."

Loretta could feel her cheeks starting to burn in anger. "Of course you have conditions, Mother," she retorted, "When it comes to me, there's _always_ a condition."

"Don't talk back, it makes your face turn quite ugly, Dear. Who'd want to marry you if you're always making the most unattractive faces? Like I was saying, first, you need to bring Carver with you- - -"

"Mother, no, this is _my_ trip. He's not invited..."

Leandra rose as she approached her daughter. "Nonsense, you'll get killed on the first day if your brother's not there."

Loretta rolled her eyes as she planted her feet firmly on the ground. _Why am I not surprised..._

"Second," her mother continued, clearly uninterested in her daughter's apparent temper tantrum, "Before you leave, I want you and your little friends to go and find a flower called the Queen's Envy."

"Shouldn't be too hard," Loretta grumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Can't I get it in Hightown?"

"I'm afraid you don't quite understand how many flowers I'll need. Plus, it's rare, so you'll have to take a few days to search for it."

Loretta raked her hands through her hair. "Seriously, Mother? Flowers?"

"Yes," Leandra said as she sat back down with another spool of thread, "I need them for a dye I am making for your 'coming-out' party."

She balked at the woman in front of her.

"You've _got_ to be joking- - - a 'coming-out party'? I don't need the whole of bloody Thedas knowing I'm single, and I'm certainly not about to let you turn me into some piece of meat that men can wrestle over."

With that said, Loretta stormed to her room, and grabbed her traveling pack, camping gear, and extra arrows.

Stalking over to the kitchen to pack provisions for her "flower quest", Loretta called out to Leandra once again, "We aren't nobility anymore, Mother. You left that life behind when you married Father."

Loretta realized she must have struck a nerve that was still too raw for the woman. Her mother began smoothing out her day dress as her lips creased into an unhappy frown.

"If we are going to be living in Kirkwall, you need to start acting like a lady," she said harshly. "All proper ladies get married, Dear. You'll see...once I marry you off to a man from a good family with decent connections, you'll be thanking me for not letting you make the same mistake I did."

Loretta clenched her fists as she tried to count backwards from ten. It didn't work.

"And who says I _want_ to get blighted married?!" she screamed, her voice cracking with emotion.

Leandra openly laughed at her daughter as she stared at her haughtily, "Everyone wants to get married, Loretta..."

"I'm going to get your blasted flowers," Loretta said through gritted teeth as she swung the door open forcefully. "I'll be back in a week, if not sooner."

She saw her mother shake her head before slamming the door behind her.


	9. Quest After Quest, Push After Pull (p2)

Stomping around, Loretta's mind blurred with anger as she kicked a nearby bucket over.

"Ugh, why must she be so difficult!" she thought as she trudged onward down the Lowtown streets. "I just need a good gallop around, and then- - -"

She stopped her train of thought as her feet faltered underneath her. _No_, Loretta thought as sadness twinged her heart._ Sunburst's dead...has been dead for a while... and he's never coming back. I must accept it..._

Loretta cracked her knuckles, sighed, and resumed her quick pace as thoughts of her conversation with her mother reignited her previous feelings.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

Merrill nearly dropped her plate of food she was preparing for lunch when Hawke burst through her door in the Alienage.

"Creators, protect me!" Merrill exclaimed, "Oh, Hawke, it's only you. I'm glad it's you- - -really glad, in fact. I thought it might have been the Dread Wolf coming to take me."

"No," Loretta replied as a headache began forming behind her eyes, "I have a errand I need help on."

"Oh, goody, is it a long one? I haven't been able to make much progress helping my clan with restoring our heritage, and I've begun to feel a bit stale."

Normally, Loretta didn't mind Merrill's rambles about her people, her gods, or her culture. But today was not a normal day, and it took all of the woman's patience to not scowl at her.

"We're heading for the mountains in search for several dozen flowers called 'Queen's Envy'. It'll take about a week."

"I'll be right with you Hawke," Merrill chirped as she began packing hastily.

"Good, because we still need to grab Anders, too."

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

Although Hawke was no longer rampaging in anger when she got to Anders' clinic, the mage immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Loretta?" he asked as he glided over to her side swiftly, his face knit with uneasiness, "Is something the matter?"

"No."

"But you look- - -" he studied her from her flyaway hair barely kept in check in its bun to her flushed cheeks. "Livid..."

Loretta took a few deep breaths to ease her mind. Things were so much easier when she had Sunburst to help her in times like this.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she tried smoothing her hair back into place, "Shit day."

Anders reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but then realized Merrill was standing by his doorway as well. His voice quieted as he spoke to her,

"Do you need me for something?"

The anger making her chest burn and her ears ring chipped away slightly. For some reason, Loretta couldn't help but feel that Anders wasn't referring to a quest.

"Oh, as a matter-of-fact, yes, I do need you...right now- - -" she grinned up at his clearly blushing face, "- - -for a week-long trip into the mountains."

Anders chuckled as he rubbed his hands together. "Just can't seem to stay away from me, can you?"

The anger chipped away even more.

"Nope."

A few minutes passed, and Anders blew out the flame lighting the lantern outside of his clinic before joining Loretta and Merrill as they headed off for the mountains.

* * *

The air was stale and humid, and the companions baked in the orange, afternoon sun. Moving quickly, Loretta led the group towards Vimmark Mountains. According to an herbalist in Kirkwall familiar with flowers, the "Queen's Envy" they were looking for resided in places that were cool, damp, and rocky, but that still received plenty of shade and sunlight. Finding an area such as that would prove to be difficult, at best.

As they marched forward, Loretta could hear Merrill trying to talk to Anders about his cat, Ser Pounce-a-lot. She was clearly failing miserably at the conversation, and Loretta could see his mouth twitching in aggravation as he walked beside her.

_I don't know why she even tries_, Loretta thought to herself, _Some people are just never going to like you no matter what you say or do. No use trying to please every- - -_

"Hello-o? Earth to Hawke?"

"W-what, sorry..." Loretta stuttered when she realized Merrill and Anders had been talking to her.

Anders looked at her for a moment before replying, "I was asking you what's so important about these flowers we are looking for..."

"My blighted mother wants them." Her stress about her and her mother's "marriage talk" began to come back in full swing.

"But, there must be some sort of reason- - -"

"Crap- - -" Hawke stopped suddenly and scanned the scene in front of her. The area was flat and still teaming with trees and vegetation on one side, and good for setting up tents and camping supplies. Just on the other side of the plateau, Loretta knew there was a small stream that had fish in it. "Me and my stupid temper. I'm so hungry...I forgot to eat earlier" she said as she dropped her pack with a loud thud. "We can stop here for tonight...there's only about an hour of sunlight left, anyways."

Anders cocked his head, and stared at Loretta. She seemed distracted, and as she ripped open her pack, dumped all of its contents on the ground, and picked up a fishing spear, Anders knew something was inevitably bothering her.

"What do you want me to do, Hawke?" Merrill squeaked as she watch the woman jog over to the stream some distance away.

"Gather firewood, make a fire."

Merrill sighed as she slunk over into the wooded area to perform her task.

* * *

Anders watched Loretta plop down on the stream's bank, muttering to herself as she kicked off her boots with some amount of difficulty. Taking off her knee high socks that Anders was pleased to see had faces of little grey kittens on them, Hawke rolled up her traveler's pants above her knees.

Anders felt his collar tighten and his neck warm as he noticed her feet were small, dainty, and even painted at the nails.

_She has the cutest toes..._

He was careful to keep his distance from her, but still managed to remain within earshot. Absent-mindedly searching for herbs for the night's meal, Anders kept his eyes glue to Loretta.

There was a bucket filled with water on the bank that Hawke used to throw in the fish she had speared. Anders suddenly found himself curious to see how Loretta managed to catch fish in this method- - - all he could ever do was to bait a pole, and wait for the fish to come to him.

Wading into the water, the woman's face relaxed minutely as she bent her knees, readied her spear, and squinted her eyes. Anders had never seen her stand so still before in his life; the concentration in her eyes made them glitter in what little daylight they had left. In a flash, Loretta lunged at something in the water, her spear disappearing in the process. In one swift movement, a fish flew through the air and off of her weapon, landing in the bucket. Again and again, Loretta repeated this motion, and each time, returned with a fish. Anders whistled his admiration quietly.

Loretta, however, was completely oblivious to the mage eyeing her from a distance, and instead, was consumed in her own thoughts.

_Classic, Mother...do as I say not as I do- - -_

She nearly tripped as her foot passed along an oddly shaped rock. She cursed under her breath before her thoughts resumed.

_And then you have the balls to tell me you'll arrange my own marriage partner for me. How hypocritical- - -_

Now stabbing the water in rapid succession, Hawke's spear now had three small fish piled up on her weapon. Sloshing around the stream noisily, she made her way back to the bank to deposit her catch.

Anders had just put down an armful of herbs next to her when she moaned, "Ugh, why is it always about men!?"

Anders jerked his head around to make sure she was indeed addressing him. "Um... excuse me?"

"I'd rather live my life as an exiled nomad than be forced to marry someone I don't love."

His face paled slightly in alarm. "What? Who's forcing you to get married? To whom? Maker, is that even legal anymore?"

The flood of sudden questions made Loretta stop her angry rant to look quizzingly at Anders. His mouth was tight in a grimace of concern, and Loretta didn't even try to deny the backflips that her stomach seemed to be performing as she stared at the mage. She turned around and went back into the water. Anders followed her to the edge of the stream, and waited anxiously for her answer.

Their eyes met, but Anders looked away quickly, saying, "N-not that it's any of my business what you do with your life. It just...doesn't seem right, that's all."

"Oh, I dunno," Loretta quipped and she hurled her fishing spear into the water, drilling it into another fish easily, "I wouldn't mind if you _made_ it your business."

She heard Anders inhale as if to say something, and then stop himself. Sensing his hesitation made Loretta instantly regret she had said something so blunt.

"Listen, Hawke..."

Hearing her commonly used name instead of her first name by Anders made the woman internally flinch, but she hoped her face remained unchanged as she continued searching for fish.

"Perhaps it's best if we don't get too close- - -"

Loretta stared at her reflection in the water. "Close?" she said with a snort, "Who said anything about getting close? We're just buds."

She hurled the spear harder than she meant to. She flashed Anders the biggest smile she could muster. "Just friends."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all," Anders said as he studied her expression. He thought she deliberately avoided his gaze as she threw another fish into the bucket. "And with Justice and the clinic- - -"

"Oh, don't worry about that," she interrupted while stepping deeper into the water one last time, "It's not like I thought you were hitting on me or anything like that. Friends joke. I get it."

Her final throw missed the fish.

Anders rubbed his shoulder uncomfortably as he cast an apologetic glance in Loretta's direction she did not see. "I know that," he said softly as he twisted the leaves of an herb between his thumb and forefinger. "I just thought it was a bit...selfish of me just to unload all that stuff about Justice on you earlier. I'm sorry."

"When are you going to realize I'm not some delicate lady, Anders?" Loretta said as wiped her feet on the grass to dry them off. "You tell me anything you need to. Anything at all. That's what friends do."

When Anders merely grunted in an unconvinced manner, Loretta thumped him on the back like she usually did with her brother.

"All this heavy talk has got me starving," Loretta continued as she rolled her pants back down to their original position. "Let's get those fish on a spit, and into the fire."

Anders now knew for certain she was refusing to look him in the face. After all, it was quite easy to tell that Loretta was trying _not_ to look at him due to their height difference. Anders followed her back to the campsite, making sure to walk several paces behind her.

* * *

Dinner was over, and the companions were now taking turns keeping watch during the night. Anders had taken the first watch, and Merrill the second, which only left Hawke with the midnight one. Sitting down near the fire, Loretta sighed, allowing her back and neck to release their tension. Thinking back to the previous conversation, the woman's attention drifted.

_How could I have been so blind?_ the thought surged through her mind just as she looked up at twinkling stars. _I must be really dense to think someone as kind and interesting as Anders would want to have anything to do with me in that way._

Loretta tugged at her hair tie until it came loose. Feeling the weight of her long hair against her back gave her a sense of comfort. Placing her hands behind her head, she continued gazing up at the stars. Her eyelids felt heavy against her face, and before she knew it, sleep had brought her back to the Fade once more in a dream.

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

_Standing in the middle of a cobblestone street, Loretta realized she was still in Kirkwall. A woman with black hair approached her, and Loretta walked up to meet her halfway._

_"Bethy," Loretta said happily as she took her sister's hands in hers. The younger woman smiled back at her._

_"Hello, Sister," she replied softly._

_Loretta touched Bethany's cheek, not quite believing what was happening. "I didn't know I could talk to you in dreams."_

_"All are connected to the Fade, but it is only a select few who can consort with others like this."_

_Loretta frowned, "What does that even mean?"_

_"Here," Bethany said as she rubbed her hands over sister's palms. Loretta watched as her own hands began to glow with a bright blue color that spread up her arms quickly. "Speak with your mage friend...he will guide you on your path. I'm afraid I cannot stay any longer..."_

_"Path? What path? And, why are you speaking in riddles?"_

_Bethany's form began to flicker much like it had when Justice's influence faded after Anders' bout with the Templars._

_"No, don't go, don't leave me again!" Loretta cried, her chest tightening as sadness gripped her heart._

_Bethany squeezed her sister's hands one last time before releasing her. "I am always with you, Lettie. But, you might want to wake up now..._

...｡. o.｡. o.｡. o.｡. o...

A horrible stench filled her nostrils as Loretta screamed in pain as reds, yellows, and oranges streaked across line of sight. A loud cackling sound resounded in her ears, and she thrashed about in confusion as a strange heat enveloped her.

"Holy- - -" Anders breathed as he awoke with a sudden jolt at hearing a blood-curdling sound. Grabbing his staff, he flung himself out of his sleeping quarters, expecting to see darkspawn, raiders, or even a rabid animal. What he didn't expect to see was Loretta's upper body aflame, her hair being the source of the fire; she appeared like a macabre beacon in the dark sky.

"Loretta!" Anders yelled to her amidst the screams. The woman dropped to the ground suddenly, rolling in an attempt to put out the flames that now crept dangerously close to her neck.

"Cover your face!"


End file.
